So I've been thinking a lot about The Hunchback of Notre Dame, specifically the song "Out There." I've always identified with that song, though until quite recently I could never figure out why. Quasimodo and I have nothing in common. Then it connected. Frollo's voice mirrors my depression and anxiety. "You are deformed... you are ugly...I am your only friend." My brain is holding me captive through lies. I have been allowing these constant fears about how other people see me pick at my actions. And at the end of the day what other people think does not matter. It does not matter that someone may think negative things about me. I'm out here trying to live my best life and build a great life for my kid. And really, if anyone is trying to judge me they are wasting a lot of effort. It's no one's place to judge anyone else. We are all flawed.
Now those of you who also struggle with depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses will understand how hard it is to fight your own brain. It is a daily battle to choose to say "I will live out there" "I will be happy." Personally I have to repeat positive things to myself, I am constantly reminding myself that the Anxiety Monster is really just a lying imp trying to make itself bigger than it ever will be.
Today I choose freedom. Today I choose to be "Out There."
What about you? What do you struggle with and how do you fight back?
You are all warriors.
~Seaspray
