Discovering Hate

Hey, seastars. If you follow me on any of my other social media accounts, you may have noticed I've been quiet for a few days. I needed a break from social media. Not a big, dramatic delete everything and flee to the Himalayas break; just a pause. Recently I woke up to a hateful message in my personal inbox saying I was ugly inside and out and too fat to be a mermaid. At first, I wanted to punch the sender in the face, then I wanted to cry. After some time I realized my initial reactions were from being reminded of all the times I had been bullied for my weight. Once I calmed down, I felt pity for this person who went out of their way to send me a hateful message and immediately blocked me- all at 9:41 in the morning. Just thinking about all that wasted energy makes me tired! Truth be told this is not the first time someone has made a negative comment about my body in my adult life. So let me walk you through what this beautiful body has done.

I am a mother. This body has and is capable of creating and carrying life. Then taking that life and delivering it into the world. On average it takes a woman's body up to a year to fully recover from the effects of pregnancy and delivery. Mine was not an easy delivery, I am lucky I wasn't sent to the OR and I'm lucky to be alive to write this blog. Before that this body was a competitive swimmer for just under seven years. This body had a back injury in middle school from a cheerleading stunt. This body was a powerhouse in soccer for nearly five years. This body carried me through being teased about my mother's work. My mother's amazing work saved so many lives and affected so many others, I refused to be ashamed then even when I was asked if I ate garbage. And I refuse to be ashamed now, again in the face of ignorant bullying. I'm going to be deeply honest with you, seastars. From middle school, all the way through high school I hated my body. I would skip meals and try to sneak hundreds of sit-ups to try and achieve a flat belly. I have a Swedish build, all wide hips, and powerful shoulders. I learned a totally flat belly in a woman is unhealthy, a woman should always have a small pouch at the bottom of her abdomen because that's where her reproductive organs lay. Every body is amazing, and every body is capable of so much more than you can see in a picture.

To the people who think it is okay to belittle, hurt, tear down, or harass anyone else. Stop it. We see you for who you are, and you need to learn to love yourself. I've been taught to know people see something in me they are envious of and try to attack that something to try and snuff it out of me. To quote one of my favorite movies, "No matter how much the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it." Seastars, you and I are those mountains. And anyone who tries to rip you down is no more than wind. Stand up and shine that light you have deep down inside of you. Shine your light so bright it will banish all the darkness those antagonizers try to bring into your life.

And to the person who thought they could hurt me, I have a song for you. You cannot tear me down. You cannot hurt me. You, feeble wind, will never be able to make this mountain bow. My body is not for anyone else but me. My body is beautiful. My body is powerful. My body will carry me past this one fleeting moment and forget you.

Seastars, please. If you are being oppressed, antagonized, or bullied try to ignore them. Those people are ignorant and hateful. Those people are trying to cover up their own pain. Hurt people hurt people. You can end the cycle of hurt, you are strong enough. You are strong enough to come out of the harassment and rise.

I believe in you,

-Seaspray